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Chapter 666 – Loan Mod Callers
This Chapter describes how all loan modification phone inquiries at Belial Bank are to be handled, from the first intake call to the last. No departures from this policy are permitted without the written consent of our bank president, B.L. Zebub. If you are unable to reach B.L., please contact his personal assistant, Lucy Furr for further instructions.
1. Adopt a tone of complete disinterest. Do not permit yourself to interact with the caller on a personal level. Avoid at all costs any tone of sympathy, empathy, or compassion. Words and phrases such as, “I understand,” “Gee, that sounds horrible,” or “Tell me how I can help,” are to be avoided at all cost. Do not address the caller by their first name. If any attorney calls, address them as “Attorney ________ “(insert last name). This approach sends the message to the caller that they are merely a number, much like the people queuing up to renew their driver’s license – except that those people actually get their licenses renewed! If you have difficulty in reaching the level of required emotional detachment, we suggest that you mute your side of the call, and completely immerse yourself in clipping or filing your nails, or engage in some other personal hygiene tasks that can be accomplished without leaving your call station or removing your headphones. If that fails, interrupt the caller to say that you’re still trying to retrieve all of their files, and tell them you are putting them on hold “for a few moments.” Then watch a movie on your laptop. We suggest you select from the following: Omen, Damien I, II, or III, Rosemary’s Baby, Angel Heart, or similar lighthearted and uplifting movies recommended by our Personnel Department. If the caller is still on the phone when your movie is over, apologize for the delay (but offer no excuses), and ask them their name and loan number, as if you had never spoken to them before. Continue reading “Belial Bank – Employee Manual (Loan Modification Calls)”